Peace

Her journey for understanding has taken her many miles from her childhood home. Many years have come and gone during her quest to define herself. The innocents have grown up to become warriors in their own right and her loved one has finally found an existence that he can endure. Whether or not he is truly happy there is anyone's guess. Is this the life she was meant to live? Would it have been different if she had made different choices? Perhaps our vision is always clearer when we look back down the road that we traveled than it is when we try to see the path in front of us. She has learned much from the many others who have walked with her and has felt blessed to have shared their world with them. Her exile has brought her peace that she understands what motivated the keeper to keep such a secret. God had been kind to the keeper who had built her entire world around the girl child and knew the secret would have unforgivable consequences, so, he took the keeper home and left the girl to struggle because he knew in his infinite wisdom that eventually she would work it all out in her mind and everything would be alright. At some point she will return to the home of her childhood because it is pulling her, drawing her with its memories, but, for now she is content to follow the road wherever it will lead her.

Questions

So the secret changed every aspect of her life and in the course of time separated her from her loved one and the innocents as she struggled to define exactly what the revelation meant to her. How was she different and how was she the same? Nothing made sense to her anymore and she needed to go away, to some place that was not the past or the present to find who she was because she did not know anymore. It was like she had two lives and there was nothing that connected them to each other and she stood between them looking at them and wondering which one of them she belong to, or if she belong to either of them? There were times when she thought the secret had caused her to create a new reality, a space that was her own little bubble, a safe place to lay all of the pieces of the puzzle out on the table and put them back together as she understood them. It was hard for her to be apart from those she loved but deep inside she knew she needed to define herself through the lens of the secret and to put her world back together being able to recogniz the value of the past and the present and what that would mean not only for her future but for others as well.

Secrets

Her life had been very simple back then doing daily chores and watching the innocents learn and grow even as she struggled to maintain a relationship that her early life had not prepared her for. It was hard at the best of times for she and her loved one were very different people and there was so much she did not know about how to do that in a good way. If the truth were known they were probably doomed before they even got started because of her defective outlook and the lens that she viewed the world with. His life had not been anything to write home about either though and so they started down a road together but did not get very far before their world was torn apart by misunderstanding and the secret that came to life after being hidden for twenty seven years. Their foundation did not have time to become strong enough to stand up under the storms and was completely washed away under the secrets impact. She disappeared into herself unable to talk about what had happen to her and her soul shriveled up leaving only room for the innocents and those who were to stubborn to let her shut them out of her life. It was easier to fight with her loved one because he was there, to mangle him because the keeper of the secret was out of reach and she was looking for someone to take it out on. Now eighteen years later she understands the nature of secrets having spent these past years doing nothing but going over and over it in her mind. Laying awake at night looking at it from every angle and still she wonders if it was her lesson to learn or those who carry the scars of the battle.

Moving On

It could be said that all of the different parties involved had indeed moved on simply because there was no other choice and yet she saw the scars left from the battle that neither side had really won. The innocents had suffered the most as is usually the case in any situation such as this. The early years following the tragedy had gone by without much to show for them at least in her life as she spent day after day in a vacuum numb with the pain that she did not know how to climb out of. Her fairy tale had turned into a nightmare created by a lifelong secret that had somehow found it's way out of the darkness and into the light of day. Knowledge that she had not been prepared for and therefore had challenged everything that she thought she knew about herself and her family. Nothing was real and everything that she valued had become a lie, the sense of betrayel that invaded her heart and mind clear down to where her soul lived would forever change her.

Life's Lessons

It was the source of her greatest sorrow, the emptyness that she carried with her like a second skin and yet she knew there had been no other way or so she had thought at the time. The question that remained was it her lesson to learn or those for whom she cause great pain and suffering? Why after all of these years did the memory come back to haunt her and what good could come from this knowledge if it was not her lesson to learn. To drag it out in the open would only open scars from wounds that were not visable and yet that is what she saw when she thought of her loved ones. The wounds of those closest to her would always be known to her even though they were far away in another place and time. "Time heals all wounds" is a lie made up by someone who wanted to suggest that by some miracle they had moved on and could delgate the past to something that happened many years ago as a way to excuse themselves.